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Having Difficult
Conversations
with Britt Andreatta
Exercise Guide
Exercise Guide Contents
Chapter 1: Understanding Difficult Conversations
Video 1: What is a difficult conversation?.................................................................................................... page 2
Video 2: The matrix of difficulty .................................................................................................................. page 3
Video 5: The four phases of successful conversations ................................................................................ page 5
Chapter 2: The Build Up Phase
Video 2: What’s underneath the situation .................................................................................................... page 6
Video 3 & 4: Making meaning—Building your ladder.................................................................................. page 8
Chapter 3: The Reflection Phase
Video 1: Clarifying your goal ..................................................................................................................... page 10
Video 2: Assessing what you already have................................................................................................ page 12
Video 3: Climbing down the ladder ........................................................................................................... page 13
Video 4: Understanding hijacks................................................................................................................. page 16
Video 5: Knowing your triggers ................................................................................................................. page 18
Video 6: Judgments and mirrors ............................................................................................................... page 20
Video 8: Owning your role ........................................................................................................................ page 22
Chapter 4: The Conversation Phase
Video 2: Opening the conversation ........................................................................................................... page 23
Chapter 5: The Follow Through Phase
Video 1: Developing the action plan .......................................................................................................... page 24
Recommended Resources and References ............................................................................................... page 25
Having Difficult Conversations
with Britt Andreatta
Exercise Guide Contents
Chapter 1: Understanding Difficult Conversations
Video 1: What is a difficult conversation?
Identify which of these common difficult conversations you may need to have. On a scale of 1–10, with 1 being very low
and 10 being very high, rate your reaction and attachment. Feel free to write in others you think of. Jot down some notes
about the situation.
Type
Situation
Critiquing a colleague’s work
Giving a poor performance review
Telling your boss you’re going to miss a
major deadline
Giving feedback to an executive about
their behavior
Giving a client or customer bad news
Professional
Talking to a colleague who makes
offensive comments
Telling your boss you’ve made a mistake
Revisiting an issue you have discussed in
the past but not seen any improvement on
Other:
Other:
Other:
Other:
Asking a friend to repay money
Breaking up with a romantic partner
Asking a roommate to clean more
Confronting a loved one about addiction
Discussing problems about intimacy or
money
Personal
Telling a friend about a personal hygiene
issue
Asking a family member to stop criticizing
you
Other:
Other:
Other:
Other:
Reaction
1–10
Attachment
1–10
Notes
Having Difficult Conversations
with Britt Andreatta
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Video 2: The matrix of difficulty
Concern About Reaction
First, assess how concerned you are about their reaction during the conversation.
How do you think they will react to the message you have?
What is the best that could happen?
And what is the worst?
Rate your concern on a scale from 1 to 10, from not concerned to very concerned.
Attachment to Outcome
Next, think about how attached or personally invested you are in the outcome.
What is the worst that can happen if they don’t change?
And what is the best that can happen if they do change?
Rate your attachment to the outcome, from low to high, again using a scale from 1 to 10.
Having Difficult Conversations
with Britt Andreatta
3 of 25
Finally, place your difficult situations on the Matrix of Difficulty.
Having Difficult Conversations
with Britt Andreatta
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