{40}{160}Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org {3357}{3448}/For sometime now Stephen Turnbull|has been a man of routine. {3464}{3529}/Everyday he showers for 27 minutes... {3563}{3608}/brushes for 4... {3623}{3664}gargles for 8... {3672}{3705}/and flosses for 7. {3748}{3782}/He then files the floss... {3835}{3872}/stacks his urine... {3896}{3933}/and notes its pH {3959}{4040}/Next he washes everything|that has so far touched his body {4041}{4129}/completes a 200-page book|of bumper crosswords {4130}{4241}/and watches 8 episodes of|Ray Mears' Extreme Survival on video tape. {4242}{4308}/Remember, you should always|carry a parachute. {4309}{4365}/Then it's time for lunch. {4390}{4443}/Everyday|Stephen eats the same meal- {4459}{4509}/a freeze-dried vegetarian lasagne, {4510}{4581}/hermetically sealed|for maximum life expectancy {5508}{5561}/But today something is different {5611}{5705}/Today there is a break in his|carefully-orchestrated routine. {5754}{5811}/Today Stephen will attempt to do {5812}{5868}/something he hasn't done|for over a year. {5923}{5971}/Today... {5972}{6021}/Stephen will try to leave the house. {7024}{7093}/Ahoy there, matey,|and welcome to Captain Crab. {7094}{7166}/He sails the 7 seas|so you don't have to, {7168}{7281}/bringing you the freshest produce|which will have you hooked, line and sinker. {7283}{7360}/Before we hoist anchor,|tell me your name, sailor. {7361}{7427}- Stephen Turnbull.|- And where do you hail from? {7428}{7476}15B Limestone Road, {7477}{7524}King's Cross, London, {7525}{7573}N19KM. {7574}{7661}/Would you like to order fish-|such as cod, sole, haddock {7662}{7728}/halibut, mackerel, catfish, krill... {7729}{7753}No. {7754}{7861}Would you like to order crustacean-|such as crab, lobster, prawn, scallop... {7862}{7886}No. {7888}{7947}/Would you like to order|the vegetarian option? {7948}{7969}Yes. {7971}{8016}/Great choice, shipmate. {8017}{8065}/Today's vegetarian option is... {8066}{8117}/Mixed vegetables. {8128}{8168}/Sounds delicious! {8169}{8234}/There's nothing that|the Captain likes more {8235}{8296}/than to chow down|on a hearty plate of... {8316}{8366}/Mixed vegetables. {8367}{8420}/My personal favourite! {8421}{8480}/To complete the order, just say|"Feed me." {8481}{8529}What? {8531}{8577}/Say "Feed me."|Say "Feed me." {8583}{8637}/Say "Feed me."|Say "Feed me." {8645}{8683}Feed me. {8685}{8732}/We surely will, shipmate. {8733}{8805}/Now relax,|your order is sailing your way {9795}{9843}Welcome to Captain Crab, sir. {9844}{9892}Please take a seat. {9898}{9936}Hey dude. {9942}{10001}You look gorgeous.|She's gonna love you. {10024}{10062}This is it? {10063}{10087}What? {10088}{10175}You told me you'd booked me a table|in a world-class seafood restaurant. {10176}{10237}- And?|- This place is a dump. {10238}{10333}What the fuck are you talking about?|It's incredible. I eat here all the time. {10334}{10401}I've been waiting for this day|for 3 years, Bunny. {10403}{10483}I'm hardly going to tell Melanie I love her|in a Captain Crab. {10485}{10532}Hey, come on. {10533}{10603}I've saved you the best table|in the house, buddy. {10605}{10653}Hit the lights, Ray. {10693}{10776}Now, listen to me.|You're ready, all right? You're gorgeous. {10777}{10854}You've carried this girl's|library books for 3 years. {10855}{10920}You've even got a PhD to impress her,|for God's sake. {10921}{10995}If this piece of chicken|don't wanna work your joint after that, {10996}{11044}I'll cut off my right nut. {11088}{11131}Thank you. {11153}{11189}Fuck her, dude. {11240}{11292}The "Friend Zone". {11293}{11336}Well, it was 3 years. {11337}{11435}In my book, if you haven't had snogsies|by closing time it's game over. {11436}{11479}Maybe there's a way back. {11480}{11532}No way back from the Friend Zone,|dude. {11533}{11576}She doesn't see you as a sexual being. {11577}{11620}- But I am one.|- I know. {11621}{11653}I think you're gorgeous. {11654}{11738}So do loads of girls, just...|not in Britain. {11739}{11791}That's why we need to hit the road, man. {11792}{11857}Find ourselves a country|where you can do something about {11858}{11965}those walloping great Space Hoppers|you've got clanging around in your pants. {11966}{12004}I'm having a year off sex. {12005}{12038}Another one? {12062}{12108}Come on, man, give yourself a break. {12109}{12144}Let's go on holiday. {12145}{12188}I thought you were broke. {12217}{12271}All that's about to change. {12331}{12379}Who have you got in the 3:40 at Ripon? {12381}{12418}Future Proof. {12429}{12477}Atlantis Rising. {12501}{12566}- Are you mentally ill?|- That horse is a shoe-in. {12568}{12622}I know that horse.|It's 50-1 for a reason. {12623}{12665}Well... {12689}{12746}- Is this the Heindberg Theory again?|- No. {12747}{12827}There's no way the jockey with|the most aggressive face always wins. {12828}{12911}All right, you were right.|I've accepted that now, thank you. {12912}{12960}But this is a bona fide tip. {12961}{13010}Masouda reckons he's a dead cert. {13011}{13059}Who's Masouda? {13060}{13107}Remember when I was in the Yemen? {13108}{13176}Masouda's this really sexy|stable girl out there. {13177}{13260}And she says in training he's dynamite. {13261}{13329}They've been slow running him|just to get the odds up. {13331}{13408}And this is the race|they're gonna let that donkey fly. {13409}{13471}- Isn't that illegal?|- Massively illegal, dude. {13472}{13531}We'll probably go to jail. That's the point. {13533}{13580}Think about it - 50 quid at 50-1 . {13581}{13629}That's 2-and-a-half grand. {13630}{13733}Easily enough for a little jaunt round|Europe for a couple of fellas like us. {13781}{13824}All right, yeah, 50 quid on the nose. {13825}{13856}That's my boy. {13857}{13928}/Last bets, please.|Last bets for the 3:40 at Ripon. {14033}{14081}When were you in the Yemen? {14082}{14130}Last summer. {14131}{14179}I thought you were on a fishing boat. {14219}{14267}Yeah... fishing boat in the Yemen. {14278}{14316}Right. {14409}{14510}The song that Yemenese fisher folk sing|almost constantly as they labour. {14520}{14560}Yeah. Good tune, that. {14571}{14609}How did it go? {14677}{14745}/* Wahey... fishy-fishy {14769}{14839}/* Come onto the boat {14858}{14916}/* Please come on {14917}{14964}/* To the boat... why? {14965}{15013}/* I don't know {15014}{15098}/* Because we are hungry for our... {15099}{15147}/* Tea {15148}{15198}- There is no Masouda, is there?|- No. {15199}{15235}- Ever been to the Yemen?|- No. {15237}{15330}- This is the Heindberg Theory again.|- Fine, yes. But look at his face. {15331}{15379}That is one mean motherfucker. {15381}{15462}/There's the 50-1 outsider, Atlantis Rising, {15463}{15556}/trying to get to know the favourite,|who doesn't seem to be having it {15557}{15631}/And they're off.|A clean start apart from Atlantis Rising, {15632}{15684}/who seems stuck|but finally gets underway {15685}{15732}/The running's being made|by Future Proof, {15733}{15799}/followed by Henley's A Washout|and Doodlebug Dreamer, {15800}{15848}/while Atlantis Rising brings up the rear. {15849}{15895}/As they head to the first fence, {15896}{15982}/Future Proof is pulling away from|Henley's A Washout and Woggletok {15983}{16096}/while the little fancied Atlantis Rising is|some way back and out of the running. {16097}{16131}Useless. He's way back! {16132}{16194}They haven't let him fly yet.|They haven't let him fly. {16195}{16243}/...between himself and the field {16245}{16308}/Atlantis Rising struggling way back {16515}{16550}- Come on!|- Come on! {16552}{16600}/... whip has had an immediate effect {16601}{16668}/A sterling run from Atlantis Rising, {16669}{16739}/moving up through the field|to join the front runners. {16740}{16790}/Almost neck and neck|with Future Proof. {16792}{16836}One more! One more! {16837}{16875}Hit him harder! {16876}{16941}/Coming up to the 2nd to last|They land neck and neck {16956}{17004}/The favourite is pulling away again. {17005}{17047}/Future Proof has pulled away {17048}{17102}- Don't do that.|- Come on. Come on. {17104}{17192}/Barring a miracle, it looks like|the favourite has won this race. {17245}{17277}He's down! {17278}{17325}- Future Proof's down!|- He's fallen, {17326}{17419}/leaving a clear run now for the|50-1 outsider Atlantis Rising, {17421}{17468}/who has taken the spoils. {17469}{17517}Yeah! {17621}{17669}We did it, man! We did it! {17670}{17718}We did it. We did it. {17719}{17800}They're not gonna put that|other horse to sleep, are they? {17801}{17874}No. God, no, it's not the '60s.|They don't do that any more. {17875}{17955}Come on, why don't we grab a drink|while they count our cash? {20117}{20158}There we go. {20256}{20304}Where's your luggage? {20371}{20408}You're an idiot. {20409}{20514}The book says there are 31 essentials|you should always have about you. {20515}{20558}Money belt, passport, tickets, camera, {20560}{20599}bug spray, sun cream, flashlight, string, {20600}{20638}waterproof matches, lighter, tripod, {20639}{20683}life jacket, compass, maps, spare string, {20685}{20731}sleeping bag, ground sheet,|bivouac, jerry can, {20733}{20780}first-aid kit, loo roll,|spade, strong string, {20831}{20892}water pills, galoshes|and a personal flare. {20955}{21003}- Got any string?|- Yeah. {21004}{21052}Got plenty, actually. {21053}{21100}That's very funny. Very good. {21101}{21176}Fancy a tinny? A going-away present|from Captain Crab. {21177}{21228}- That's nice.|- When I say present... {21229}{21276}- You nicked them.|- I did. {21277}{21325}No, I'll make one of my cocktails. {21326}{21368}Not one of those things. {21369}{21440}- I thought you said you liked them.|- Yeah, but they ...
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