Planet Magazine September 1994 - Issue 3 INSIDE THIS FICTION-CENTRIC E-MAG: Science Fiction by Brian Burt ("No Man of Woman Born"), Rick Blackburn ("The Bombardment Part II"), George McCann ("The Swiller Manifesto"). Fantasy by Romeo Esparrago ("The Bell, The Bridge, and The Binalatongan River Maiden"). Poems by Peter Alejandro Cortes ("Roads of Time"), Kevin McAuley ("After the Feast"). Humor by Steve Ross ("Letters to the House Doctor"). \p \xMasthead\x STAFF Editor & Publisher Andrew G. McCann Copy Editor Doug Houston Layout & Illustrations Andrew G. McCann (cover art: "Halloweenie Cat") WHAT IS PLANET MAGAZINE? Planet Magazine is, believe it or not, a free quarterly (or thirdly) of science fiction, fantasy, horror, poetry, and humor written by beginning or little-known writers, whom we hope to encourage in their pursuit of the perfect story. Planet is nationally distributed in electronic form via American Online, CompuServe, Acorn, and NVN, as well as in printed form via the editor and his pals. Feel free to pass this magazine along, in an unaltered state, electronically or as a printout. We welcome submissions (read below for details on this and other matters). Send any questions or comments to PlanetMag@aol.com. SUBMISSIONS POLICY Planet Magazine accepts short stories, poems, one-act plays, and odds-and-ends (use the lengths in this issue as guidelines). We prefer original, unpublished SF, fantasy, horror, poetry, humor, etc., by beginning or little-known writers (but no porno, gore, or ads from immigration lawyers, please). Because this e-mag is free and operates on a budget of $0.39 per annum, we can't afford to pay anything except the currency of free publicity and life-enhancing good vibes (of course, that and $2.50 will get you a double-tall cafe mocha with powdered mesquite ash, but it's still a head rush to see your name in print). To send a submission: query first, whatever that means, then send stories or poems as Stuffit- or ZipIt-compressed ASCII text files to PlanetMag@aol.com. WHERE TO FIND THIS MAGAZINE IN OTHER FORMS Planet is distributed as a B&W printed magazine and in two electronic versions (simple and fancy). The e-zine varieties can be downloaded from the following sources: The America Online Writers Club Forum (keyword: WRITERS; look for the Writers Club E-Zines folder in the Writers Club Libraries folder) carries a stuffed, or .sit, text file (which can be read by Mac or IBM, using some version of StuffIt and a word-processing program). The WC forum also carries a stand-alone, read-only DOCmaker file that incorporates full color, graphics, and a suitable layout (Mac only); this file is also available in AOL's Science Fiction & Fantasy Forum (keyword: SCIENCE FICTION; look for the Sci-Fi Library in the Science Fiction Libraries folder). The CompuServe Science Fiction & Fantasy Forum (go: SCIENCE FICTION; look in the Science Fiction literature library) has a .zip file version, which can be read by Mac or IBM using some form of ZipIt and a word-processing program. The text file is also available in the Acorn BBS's "newsstand," in the NVN fandom library of the SF forum (go: science fiction), and Cthulhu knows where else. No Internet site for this magazine exists yet, but we haven't tried very hard to find one. Still, we're open to suggestions. The text file takes a few minutes to download at 2400 baud. The DOCmaker file takes about 15-20 minutes to download at 2400 but only about 5 minutes at 9600. The latter option is the coolest (hint: click on the illustrations). COPYRIGHTS, DISCLAIMERS Planet Magazine as a whole, including all text, design, and illustrations, is copyright (c) 1994 by Andrew G. McCann. However, all individual stories and poems in this magazine are copyright (c) 1994 by their respective authors, who have granted Planet Magazine the right to use these works for this issue in both electronic and printed forms. All people and events portrayed in this magazine are entirely fictitious and bear no resemblance to actual people or events. This publication has been registered with the Copyright Office of the U.S. Library of Congress. You may freely distribute this magazine electronically on a noncommercial, nonprofit basis to anyone and/or print one copy for your personal use, but do not alter or excerpt Planet in any way without direct permission from the publisher (PlanetMag@aol.com). Planet Magazine is published by Cranberry Street Press, Brooklyn, N.Y., Andrew G. McCann, publisher. COLOPHON Composed on an Apple Quadra 605 using DOCmaker 4.1. Text set in 10 point Geneva and 12 point Helvetica; the logotype is Times. Illustrations done in Color It! 2.3. \p \xEditorials & Letters\x THE "CONTROVERSY" CONTROVERSY Like other publications that wallow in the very thing they condemn, we take exception to the unchecked availability of free electronic magazines that focus on SF, fantasy, humor, and the like. And it's this very comment of ours that is part of a larger, recurring problem in journalism today - all of the so-called editorialists who have nothing better to do than manufacture some "controversial" issue when they actually have, as I just stated, nothing better to do. It's the proverbial storm in a teacup masquerading as, say, a Nor'easter in a Frost Giant's tankard. (An actual storm in a teacup, though, would be worth writing about: lightning like broken toothpicks, clouds like a kitten's hairballs, rain like a spritz from a bottle of Calvin Klein's Maternity ["One Spray and You're Pregnant - for Men or Women"].) Of course, the most egregious example of journalists who manufacture opinions are the Noze-Boxians of the Tahbloyd star system, who, as everyone must know by now, communicate solely through anti-celebrity gossip on an all-band telepathic signal. I mean, who appointed these self-appointed experts? These "exo-journalists" spend their days pretending to be in a state of high dudgeon over the activities of whatever actor du jour, solely because they feel the compulsion to "fill space." Perhaps these over-commentating windbags believe what they are doing is all in fun (the editorial "wheeee," as my young nephew says), or maybe they believe it's all true and necessary. Whatever the Noze-Boxians' reasons, I say their sort of activity must stop. This brings me to the real issue at hand - I hereby call upon the combined member-planets of the Galactic Council to quickly set up a task force to begin looking into whether or not to recommend considering some sort of non-binding suggestion to encourage the diminishment of the aforementioned behavioral manifestations, eventually even looking into the Noze-Boxian problem, perhaps. As such, I humbly add that I would be available to chair that august body and am more than willing to set down the task force's conclusions in a brief quintilogy of novelized autobiographies filmed in 4-D VR that I envision completing by my 65th birthday. I think I've made my point. Andrew G. McCann, Editor September 1994 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (Editor's note: Letters will be edited for clarity, brevity, and because of our deep-seated need to control the thoughts of others.) Dear Editor: Really enjoyed this last issue. In particular, I really liked Brian Burt's "Climbing Jacob's Ladder" and would like to see more of his work. The others that stood out were the bizarre little story by Steve Ross, Cortes' poem with the reincarnation theme, and Andy McCann's story on Konen's therapy session. Way to go, Brian M. via AOL Dear Editor: I thought your first issue was great (the best S.F. on-line magazine I've seen yet). Is issue No. 2 out? John via AOL [Editor's note: See "Where to Find This Magazine" in the Masthead section.] Dear Editor: NICE ZINE! Tony via the Internet Dear Editor: Great second issue guys! I am still impressed. I also have a thought on how to improve the 'zine just a bit. (It's free, so I am sure not complaining, believe me.) From time to time I've seen programs with bookmark capability. If it's not too tough to do?... It would sure be a benefit to someone like me who is too busy to sit down and read the 'zine all the way through. I put it down and pick it up a week later... and can't remember which story I left off with. Anyway, just a thought. Great job! KingJohne via AOL [Editor's note: This suggestion was passed on to Mark Wall, author of the DOCmaker software program that Planet uses.] Dear Editor: Brian Burt's "Climbing Jacob's Ladder" was a really fast-paced story that was disturbingly realistic. If we don't all want to live in that world, we'd better start trying to make changes right now. Re Margaret McCann's "Hints From Hazel," my favorite was "The neighbor's three rambunctious boys...." I enjoyed your second issue very much, and am looking forward to No. 3. Rick via AOL FAKE LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Dear Editor: Given Jupiter's enormous mass, I think it's quite likely that the denizen's of that planet's ancient and distinguished democracies are quite wide and low in terms of body type. Thus, it is doubly a tragedy that, given these individuals' large "areas," so many were no doubt slaughtered in that terrible, brief reign of Carmaker-Chevy, the cometary body whose fragments sewed death and destruction everywhere amongst the Golden-Espired Cities of the Great Bruised Spot. Now I imagine that, in the wake of this horror, a tyrant usurper has gained control of the Jovian Imperial Senate. I ask you, then, who better than the citizens of the U.S.A. to contribute cash, via me, to help these suffering Freedom Fighters of Ju...
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