{482}{564}Let me try and clarify|some of this for you. {566}{612}Best Company Supermarkets... {614}{684}are not interested|in selling wholesome foods. {686}{756}They are not worried|about the nation's health. {758}{826}What is concerning them|is that the nation... {827}{894}appears to be getting|worried about its health. {896}{962}And that is what's|worrying Best Co., {964}{1057}because Best Co. wants to go on|selling them what it always has, {1058}{1190}i.e., white breads,|baked beans, canned foods... {1192}{1271}and that fat-squirting|little heart attack... {1273}{1357}traditionally known|as the British sausage. {1359}{1445}So how can we|help them with that? {1446}{1530}Clearly, we are looking|for a label. {1532}{1609}We need a label|brimming with health. {1611}{1689}And everything from a nosh pot|to a white sliced... {1691}{1750}will wear one with pride. {1751}{1833}I'm aware of the difficulties|of coming to terms with this. {1834}{1914}It must be appreciated|from the beginning... {1916}{2006}that even the nosh pot|must be low in something. {2008}{2086}And if it isn't, it must be high|in something else. {2088}{2182}And that is its|health-giving ingredient... {2184}{2234}we will sell. {2236}{2302}Which brings me|to my final question: {2304}{2358}Who are we trying|to sell this to? {2360}{2427}Answer: We are trying|to sell this... {2429}{2489}to the archetypal|average housewife, {2491}{2558}she who fills her basket. {2560}{2645}What you have here|is a 22-year-old pretty girl. {2647}{2720}What you need is a taut slob, {2722}{2785}something on foot deodorizers|in a brassiere. {2786}{2869}[Laughing] I'm not quite|sure we can go along with that. {2871}{2921}If you look at|the market research... {2922}{2985}I don't need to look|at the market research. {2986}{3055}I've lived with 13-and-a-half|million housewives for 15 years. {3057}{3130}I know everything about them.|She's 37 years old. {3132}{3210}She has 2.3 children,|1 .6 of which will be girls. {3212}{3285}She uses 16 feet, 6 inches|of toilet tissue a week... {3287}{3355}and fucks no more|than 4.2 times a month. {3357}{3432}She has seven radiators|and is worried about her weight, {3434}{3489}which is why we have her|on a diet. {3491}{3557}And because we have her on|a diet, we also encourage her... {3559}{3636}to reward herself with little|treats, and she deserves them. {3638}{3700}Because anyone existing|on 1200 calories... {3702}{3774}of artificial, synthetic,|orange-flavored waffle a day... {3776}{3837}deserves a little treat. {3838}{3898}"We know it's naughty,|but you do deserve it. {3900}{3950}Go on, darling,|swallow a bun." {3952}{3998}And she does. {4000}{4066}And the instant she does,|the guilt cuts in. {4068}{4132}So here we are again|with our diet. {4134}{4204}It's a vicious,|but quite wonderful circle, {4206}{4269}and it adheres|to only one rule: {4270}{4323}"Whatever it is, sell it." {4325}{4381}If you want to stay|in advertising, {4382}{4437}by God you'd better learn that. {4470}{4571}Bagley, it's not in my nature|to be a pain in the ass. {4573}{4638}It's been forced on me.|I just had them on the phone. {4640}{4694}They are phoning me back, and|I've got to give them something. {4696}{4758}Just tell them it's|going to be wonderful. Hi, Harry. {4760}{4866}I told them that.|Apart from 15 calls a day,|they couldn't be happier. {4868}{4947}They're getting impatient. We promised|them the enigmatic over a week ago. {4949}{5011}I'll be frank with you, Bagley.|I'm running out of bullshit. {5013}{5083}- Try massaging your temples.|- I've got to give them a date. {5085}{5155}Either a date or some idea|of what you're coming up with. {5157}{5239}I'm coming up with a brilliant|advertisement for a dull pimple cream. {5241}{5316}Then why can't I take a look?|Why can't I see something... {5318}{5381}you know, just a storyboard|or some roughs, anything... {5383}{5447}so as I can give them an idea|of the direction you're going in? {5449}{5531}- No. Any calls?|- Mr. Bristol called twice. {5533}{5601}- I hope you told him I was out.|- Yes, Mr. Bagley. You were out. {5602}{5650}Good. If he calls again,|I'm still out. {5652}{5702}Bagley, you have got|to give me a date. {5704}{5770}All right, try Monday on him.|And don't get so panicky. {5772}{5869}Nobody ever remembers a late delivery,|Richard. They only remember a bad one. {5938}{6033}Boil busters.|The boil busters. {6034}{6107}Your face can be|a battleground. {6109}{6171}You need something tough. {6173}{6219}Jesus. {6244}{6319}Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org {6508}{6581}[Bagley's Voice] What do they want|another pimple cream for? {6582}{6667}[Man's Voice] There's a lot|of boils out there, Bagley. {6781}{6881}Nobody cares as much|about your skin as you do, {6882}{6931}but we do try. {6933}{6996}And because we care... {6998}{7062}we went to an expert, {7064}{7114}Mother Nature, {7116}{7199}and we discovered that sometimes|the most effective way... {7201}{7279}of dealing with those|troublesome little breakouts... {7281}{7390}is Mother Nature's own|richest source of Vitamin A. {7428}{7540}So... we took|essential oils... {7542}{7646}of carrot, marigold seed... {7690}{7821}roots and other|natural ingredients, {7822}{7908}and we packed this shit|into every tube. {7910}{7992}We called it HP Megaventure. {7994}{8044}If it doesn't work|on your blackheads, {8046}{8109}you can spread the fucker|on toast! {8110}{8169}Sorry to disturb you,|Mr. Bagley, {8170}{8222}but Mr. Bristol's|on the line again. {8224}{8283}- Tell him I'm out again.|- He says he knows you're not. {8285}{8383}He knows you're avoiding him and|says he insists on a time to see you. {8385}{8442}Oh, for Christ's sake,|give me a break. {8443}{8514}All right, tell him|4:00 this afternoon. {8515}{8593}- And get my wife on the phone.|- Yes, Mr. Bagley. {8806}{8900}Hi. My name's|Barbara Simmons, {8902}{8957}and I'm a biochemist. {8958}{9018}But at night I'm a woman, {9020}{9104}and I want my skin|to be at its best. {9106}{9213}So I recommend|a new product. {9215}{9286}It's called... {9287}{9337}whatever the fuck|it's called, {9339}{9421}and I use...|whatever the fuck it is... {9422}{9492}because I know it works. {9494}{9565}And I should know... {9567}{9654}because... I make it. {9656}{9726}[Secretary On Intercom]|Mrs. Bagley on line one. {9728}{9798}What do you want! {9799}{9873}Yes, I'm sorry, darling.|I know I did. {9875}{9952}Listen, I don't think|I'm gonna make it back tonight. {9954}{10012}I'm gonna blitz it. {10014}{10095}Fine, fine.|It's going fine. {10097}{10169}Just the deadline's|getting serious. {10171}{10219}Really? {10221}{10273}Well, we could meet|for lunch, {10274}{10332}celebrate my breakthrough. {10334}{10397}Okay, 1:00. {10398}{10451}You're chain-smoking, darling. {10453}{10519}I know I am. I know I am. {10521}{10609}I'd like another vodka martini,|dry as a bone, twist, no olive. {10610}{10665}- Signor.|- Spritzer, please. {10666}{10741}I tell you,Julia,|I'm out of my mind. {10742}{10789}I'm getting nowhere. Zero. {10790}{10873}Stop getting so wound up|about it. It'll come. {10874}{10973}And please put that cigarette out.|That's three in ten minutes. {10974}{11052}Darling, why don't you|forget it a minute. {11054}{11100}Take the afternoon off. {11102}{11172}- I can't. I've got to see Bristol.|- You're not gonna be much use. {11174}{11220}Oh, that's where|you're wrong,Julia. {11222}{11295}That's what's so insane about all this.|Anything else, I'm fine. {11297}{11356}Give me any other part of the human|body, I'll sell it something. {11358}{11420}Give me a bald head,|and I'll sell it shampoo. {11422}{11488}- I cannot get a handle on the boils.|- Pass me the butter, please. {11490}{11546}The moment|I think of a boil, {11548}{11615}my mind slips into a sort of|dreadful, oily neutral. {11617}{11667}I just sit there|hour after hour, {11669}{11732}chewing the ends off pencils,|smoking myself daft. {11734}{11804}- What exactly is this stuff?|- It's a standard... {11806}{11876}16 to 26-year-old acne attacker,|a hexafluoride. {11878}{11945}- Does it work?|- No idea. It's probably junk. {11946}{11998}Well, that's probably|the problem. {12000}{12075}If you knew it actually got rid of|boils, you'd have no problem selling it. {12077}{12142}Nobody in advertising|wants to get rid of boils. {12144}{12190}They're good little|money spinners. {12192}{12263}All we want to do is offer hope|of getting rid of them. {12265}{12311}- Where's our drinks?|- They're coming, sir. {12313}{12404}Well, I really do think you should|cancel Bristol and come home with me. {12406}{12500}I can't. I've been canceling him|all week. Why can't we cancel dinner? {12502}{12553}I'm not in the mood|for that mob. {12555}{12619}If I had known we were having dinner,|I'd have never suggested lunch. {12621}{12667}We can have both.|People do, darling. {12669}{12761}- I suppose Wheelstock will be there.|- Don't take it out on Penny. {12762}{12810}[Coughing]|I don't know what to do. {12811}{12863}Dennis, for goodness'sake,|stop getting so paranoid. {12865}{12965}Everything will be all right. You've|had these problems many times before. {12966}{13060}- Not like this, I haven't.|- You had a terrible time with piles. {13062}{13124}I did not have|a terrible time with piles. {13126}{13184}I may have had a problem|getting a hold of them, {13186}{13247}- but selling them was a piece of cake.|- You're raising your voice. {13249}{13305}Compared to this, piles|were a birthday present. {13306}{13353}So was dandruff.|So was breath. {13354}{13400}You're still raising|your voice. {13402}{13469}The whole lot taken together,|including the fucking lawnmowers, {13470}{13548}is nothing compared|t...
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