1 00:00:06,959 --> 00:00:09,193 Previously on <i>Californication...</i> 2 00:00:09,228 --> 00:00:11,896 Karen, I came back... for you. 3 00:00:11,930 --> 00:00:13,297 Oh. 4 00:00:13,332 --> 00:00:15,867 - Atticus just fired me. - Bummer. 5 00:00:15,901 --> 00:00:18,069 But not before he fired you too. 6 00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:19,537 I need to present myself to Karen 7 00:00:19,571 --> 00:00:21,205 as an adult male with a job. 8 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,941 - You must be Hank. - Henry James Moody I. 9 00:00:23,976 --> 00:00:25,877 Rick Rath. Call me Rath. 10 00:00:25,911 --> 00:00:27,645 The last thing I need around here is some snotty, 11 00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:29,981 pretentious fuck who's gonna look down on television. 12 00:00:30,015 --> 00:00:31,782 I'm trying to grow the fuck up for once 13 00:00:31,817 --> 00:00:33,651 before it's too fucking late, 14 00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:35,653 and it all starts with me getting a job. 15 00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:37,488 Are you sure you can actually handle a job? 16 00:00:37,522 --> 00:00:40,024 Hey, did you manage to get it up last night? 17 00:00:40,058 --> 00:00:41,459 I don't want to talk about it. 18 00:00:41,493 --> 00:00:43,327 - You're Hank Moody. - Who would you be? 19 00:00:43,362 --> 00:00:44,795 This would be Levon. 20 00:00:44,830 --> 00:00:46,130 He's the kid I've been telling you about. 21 00:00:46,198 --> 00:00:48,238 He wants to interview you for his college newspaper. 22 00:00:48,267 --> 00:00:49,433 Do you have any children? 23 00:00:49,468 --> 00:00:51,502 Yeah, one, a daughter. 24 00:00:51,536 --> 00:00:53,070 You fucked my mom. 25 00:00:53,105 --> 00:00:55,172 Really? You're not fucking with me? 26 00:00:55,207 --> 00:00:57,208 When did this occur? 27 00:00:57,242 --> 00:00:59,810 I guess about nine months before I was born. 28 00:01:07,753 --> 00:01:10,087 [Gasps] Yay! It's a murse! 29 00:01:10,122 --> 00:01:12,690 My very own murse! How did you know? 30 00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,191 Stop it. 31 00:01:14,226 --> 00:01:17,495 It's for all your writerly [French accent] accoutrement. 32 00:01:17,529 --> 00:01:19,864 I thought it was very rock and roll. 33 00:01:19,898 --> 00:01:21,165 Totally. 34 00:01:21,199 --> 00:01:22,767 And yet, it sends a very strong and clear message 35 00:01:22,801 --> 00:01:24,101 to my co-workers 36 00:01:24,136 --> 00:01:26,203 that this dude could rock out with his cock out. 37 00:01:26,238 --> 00:01:27,438 But when he's done, 38 00:01:27,472 --> 00:01:29,340 he can tuck it away and get down to biz. 39 00:01:29,374 --> 00:01:32,243 - My thoughts exactly. - Mm-hmm. 40 00:01:32,277 --> 00:01:34,045 Wear it well on your first day. 41 00:01:34,079 --> 00:01:36,847 I shall, my love. Thank you so much. 42 00:01:39,418 --> 00:01:41,085 I'm very proud of you. 43 00:01:41,119 --> 00:01:43,654 Why? 'Cause I got a stinkin' job? 44 00:01:43,689 --> 00:01:44,849 If I'd known it was this easy 45 00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:46,524 to make your bosom swelleth with pride, 46 00:01:46,558 --> 00:01:49,260 I would have applied for a job at Starbucks long ago. 47 00:01:49,294 --> 00:01:52,296 - Barista. - No, it's not just the job. 48 00:01:52,331 --> 00:01:55,199 You're finally ready to embrace change, I think. 49 00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:58,235 Well, the times, they are a-changing, 50 00:01:58,270 --> 00:01:59,904 whether I likes it or not. 51 00:01:59,938 --> 00:02:03,741 And change is... 52 00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:06,577 - sexy. - You don't say? 53 00:02:06,611 --> 00:02:08,346 - I do. - Really? 54 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:11,515 I do say. 55 00:02:11,550 --> 00:02:14,318 Gosh, golly. 56 00:02:14,353 --> 00:02:17,855 Who knew gainful employ could be such a panty peeler? 57 00:02:17,889 --> 00:02:19,523 Okay. All right. All right. 58 00:02:19,558 --> 00:02:25,096 Before--okay, before this accelerates into heavy petting, 59 00:02:25,130 --> 00:02:27,331 moist humping, and multiple orgasms 60 00:02:27,366 --> 00:02:29,100 for me, of course, 61 00:02:29,134 --> 00:02:32,236 there's something I got to tell you. 62 00:02:32,270 --> 00:02:33,571 What? 63 00:02:33,605 --> 00:02:34,839 What? What is it now? 64 00:02:34,873 --> 00:02:36,107 - Mm-- - I know. 65 00:02:36,141 --> 00:02:38,209 You're a heroin addict. 66 00:02:38,243 --> 00:02:40,611 You have terminal hemorrhoids, right? 67 00:02:40,645 --> 00:02:42,246 - Ow! - [Laughing] 68 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,181 I mean, nothing would surprise me at this point. 69 00:02:44,216 --> 00:02:45,383 [Door opens] Come on. 70 00:02:45,417 --> 00:02:47,785 What is it? 71 00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:49,520 Ah, nothing? 72 00:02:49,554 --> 00:02:50,588 Nope. 73 00:02:50,622 --> 00:02:52,023 Not a twitch. 74 00:02:52,057 --> 00:02:54,759 I even tossed his salad for a second or three. 75 00:02:54,793 --> 00:02:56,227 Kid lives for fucking ass play. 76 00:02:56,261 --> 00:02:58,763 Ugh! You think this is maybe psychological? 77 00:02:58,797 --> 00:03:00,231 I don't know. 78 00:03:00,265 --> 00:03:04,001 All I know is that it was like sucking on a little hotdog 79 00:03:04,036 --> 00:03:05,469 wrapped in foreskin. 80 00:03:05,504 --> 00:03:06,637 [Shrill groan] 81 00:03:06,671 --> 00:03:09,540 And the more I sucked, the smaller it got. 82 00:03:09,574 --> 00:03:13,210 It felt wrong, like I was blowing a baby. 83 00:03:13,245 --> 00:03:16,013 A big, bald, unemployable baby. 84 00:03:16,048 --> 00:03:18,382 Look at the four of us. 85 00:03:18,417 --> 00:03:21,318 Ain't love fucking grand? Huh? 86 00:03:21,353 --> 00:03:24,321 [Upbeat music] 87 00:03:24,356 --> 00:03:31,962 ♪ ♪ 88 00:03:52,936 --> 00:04:03,454 <font color="#ec14bd">Sync & corrections by honeybunny</font> <font color="#ec14bd">www.addic7ed.com</font> 89 00:04:06,731 --> 00:04:08,632 How'd she take it? 90 00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:09,834 I was just about to lay it on her 91 00:04:09,868 --> 00:04:11,268 when you sulked into the room 92 00:04:11,303 --> 00:04:13,170 with all your broken weiner sadness. 93 00:04:13,205 --> 00:04:15,239 Oh, right. Sorry about that. 94 00:04:15,273 --> 00:04:17,108 No, it's okay. It's probably for the best. 95 00:04:17,142 --> 00:04:18,709 'Cause we surely would have made the love, 96 00:04:18,743 --> 00:04:20,544 and that surely would have been spectacular, 97 00:04:20,579 --> 00:04:22,446 and then she surely would have been super fucking pissed 98 00:04:22,481 --> 00:04:24,482 when she found out I allegedly fathered a son 99 00:04:24,516 --> 00:04:26,550 with another woman, allegedly. 100 00:04:26,585 --> 00:04:27,885 Jesus! 101 00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,487 It sounds uncool when I say it out loud like that. 102 00:04:29,521 --> 00:04:31,889 Why? You got a son, man! 103 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:33,491 Someone to carry on the moodiness 104 00:04:33,525 --> 00:04:35,159 for generations to come. 105 00:04:35,193 --> 00:04:37,495 - Doesn't that feel amazing? - Not really. 106 00:04:37,529 --> 00:04:38,796 The kid's kind of annoying. 107 00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:39,930 I mean, super fucking annoying 108 00:04:39,965 --> 00:04:41,232 like he should be your son and not mine. 109 00:04:41,266 --> 00:04:42,566 [Phone ringing] 110 00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:44,435 See, the little fucker keeps trying to Facetime me. 111 00:04:44,469 --> 00:04:45,736 Look at that. 112 00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:48,839 He shall be Levon, and I shall decline that shit. 113 00:04:48,874 --> 00:04:51,208 So who's the mom? 114 00:04:51,243 --> 00:04:52,910 Oh, this woman, Julia, I was seeing at the time. 115 00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:55,079 Wanted to be an actress. She was gorgeous. 116 00:04:55,113 --> 00:04:58,149 We had a lot of fun. In and out of the boudoir. 117 00:04:58,183 --> 00:04:59,350 I remember that. 118 00:04:59,384 --> 00:05:01,485 And then I met and quickly impregnated Karen, 119 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:02,720 and that, as they say, was that. 120 00:05:02,754 --> 00:05:04,855 By the way, what the fuck are you doing here? 121 00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:07,224 I wanted to make sure you showed up for work, you know, 122 00:05:07,259 --> 00:05:09,760 on time, reasonably sober. 123 00:05:09,794 --> 00:05:11,795 You're gonna be pulling in a weekly salary now. 124 00:05:11,830 --> 00:05:14,265 15% of your weekly is my weekly. 125 00:05:14,299 --> 00:05:15,866 15%? I thought you got 10. 126 00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:17,768 Mm-mm. Managers take 15. 127 00:05:17,802 --> 00:05:20,337 Oh, so you're my manager now? What's the difference? 128 00:05:20,372 --> 00:05:21,338 5%. 129 00:05:21,373 --> 00:05:23,607 That is fucking pathetic, Charlie. 130 00:05:23,642 --> 00:05:25,743 Maybe you should think about getting some other clients. 131 00:05:25,777 --> 00:05:27,178 Yeah, well, that's the othe...
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